My heart cried this morning. My heart cried saying “It will never be me”.

posted 2 days ago on Sep 29
The aftermath — the after fall, the after all; you still care. Neither sadness nor happiness cling on his shoulders you will always care. You’ll never get over it, you’ll never find a way of diversion. Maybe this is what they call love.
posted 3 days ago on Sep 27

I want to go to the seaside and have a break from reality.

posted 3 days ago on Sep 27
It wasn’t love at first sight, it was a love that mourns and before it started it spun and spun in thoughts. It wasn’t love on acquaintance, it was a love that recollects. It was the kind of love that drew lines whenever our space and time crossed — constrained, enchained; meant to feel, not to tell. You could, you may; but if the universe who knit and twist; fate, the chronologies of ours will not accord to my schemes — oh dear it’s tragedy I am weaving. A clenched in my heart; it tightens hope so this love will not learn how to bleed.
posted 4 days ago on Sep 27

Someone told me “I’m letting you go”
Once, I didn’t believe
Forever, I regret fooling myself

Someone told me “I’m letting you go”
I brush it off, I didn’t believe in it
I wanted to take it back, it didn’t stay

Someone was gone
Someone disappeared
Someone faded

In fear, in hatred
I was the only one who could
Another one passed me by

His echo — “I’m letting you go”
His love — “listen to this”
His reply — “ “

- I remember him in surprising hi’s and cruel goodbyes. 
posted 1 week ago on Sep 24
My long hair’s gone, I made it gone.
I ate too much junk foods, I bought a lot of it.
I spontaneously buy liquor and drink alone.
Sometimes I don’t care about tomorrow and get drunk.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know why I am here.
I don’t have any goals in life.
“Losing hope. I’m still here”.
- I forgot to take care of myself. Months passed so easily, I forgot how to take care of myself. I just found myself right now thinking I am not taking of myself anymore.
posted 1 week ago on Sep 20

Un peu d’espoir —

Of you, of you; the rain couldn’t rest, the night embraces. I kept myself busy. I tried, I tried; and when I allow myself to take a break. They’re always talking about you, on how hope seems like.

My head’s at rest. The paint on the ceiling and the light at its center. Rain’s water is falling on the walls and the pesky noise of nothingness.

“He loved someone else, he talks about someone else that isn’t you”.

“Of course, he does”.

Knowing it, hope seems like a worn-out spell. My head’s on the pillow; little rocks, maybe it feels like it. Underneath, it felt like it was.

“Aren’t you tired now?”

“It’s exhausting to be here too. Especially when hope seems like sighs, when hope seems stifling”.

I remember how the thunders released their claps; it is when the heaven abandoned its cry, after it cried the thunders would release their claps. It’s a celebration of letting go. Hope seems like it.

“Can you still remember the ringing bells and ticking clocks? And that joke that made your heart beats in 1, 2, and 4?”

“I do, it was when my heart skipped a beat. Well, hope seems like it. In a different way; it’s not when words crystallized in fear. Hope seems like it. I don’t know but it does”

The rain stopped, the night is still young. How will avoid thoughts like this? I was listening to French songs, till now, maybe till the night ends. I don’t understand some words and every phrase from every song seems like hope; I will try to understand them no matter how foreign they are. Un peu d’espoir, it means a little hope.

posted 1 week ago on Sep 19

“What if I will get tired of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I will get tired of the chase and the hopes and heartaches? What will you do if one day you’ll notice that I am not bothering you anymore? What if one day you’ll notice that I am not sending you letters, that one day I’ll stop looking for you, that there will be that time where I will give up on you”

“Will you get tired? Should I beg you not to? Should I tell you please don’t get tired of waiting?”

“For once, at least you should tell me to wait for more. I want it coming from your mouth, I want it filling your heart”

“I’m sorry, how can I say that? You’re a stubborn child. Can’t you see it? I’m always telling you to wait”

posted 2 weeks ago on Sep 16
When you give up on someone it doesn’t mean you’ll stop feeling something for that someone.
- Truth is you’ll never stop feeling it. The feeling only resides. Giving up is resisting the feelings to grow but it can’t cease it.
posted 2 weeks ago on Sep 15

With no apparent reasons, you’ll feel nothing. I feel nothing. How scared I am right now? With no apparent reason, I feel nothing. I just keep on thinking things; they’re haunting me right now.

It’s raining, the wind’s shattering noise is pushing everything on its way.

“Death is a choice too”
“What if we’re already dead and we’re just pretending that we’re living?”
“I want to feel loved and see that I am loved by someone who doesn’t know who I am”
“I’m a hypocrite if I’m still living”

On the bed, the walls, the ceiling, the light is on.
Written on the walls —
“You’ll never avoid happenings like this”
“Liquor dreams, running away”

Under the switch —
“Who will love you?”

- The vividness of reality. To whom will I pour out myself at times like this?
posted 2 weeks ago on Sep 14