Ahh fuck you brain not now I have exams today. This is not the right time to feel miserable please shut up.
The stars are still hanging in the sky
To woke up with little lights
Is to be still in a dream
Wake up, wake up we’re here
Get out of bed early
Don’t tell yourself “I’m weary”
You might drown yourself again
Getting late because of whistling thoughts
Have you ever ruined yourself?
To have control, racing memories
If they get over you; get up, get up
See the stars scintillating
Here are they
Decorating the sky
Before dawn, be alive
I’m not a writer but this is true. When you love a writer/someone who writes you’ll never die. I would think that you’re lucky enough if a writer loves you.
Someone said to me that I like being psychotic and I don’t really know how to respond. Since then, from time to time I think of it. Psychotic? I didn’t choose or even like it and I am not even psychotic. I am just like this and I don’t know why. They have no idea how hard it is to be like me, to have these thoughts. I’ve been through heaven and hell over and over. Maybe this is why no one ever tries to get near. You would see me hanging around with my friends and being with people that I like is my gentle isolation and the only thing that I am proud of myself is that I can still get along, that I can manage to get away.
In a year or so, I’ll be sitting in a quiet coffee shop. Dreaming about the past, recollecting memories of what was lost and never found. But for now I’ll be drinking; a glass of wine might comfort me and every weekend I’ll be kissing a bottle of vodka for me to sleep good night.
There’s no place to hide; my anxieties of the past and future, the constant reminder of getting close is getting hurt.
In the end it is always my fault.
"Don’t worry, we’ll get there soon. You’re looking forward for what might happen and if you’re avoiding happiness because you always believe that it is just a fleeting delusion; give yourself a break, be kind to yourself. You’ll be sitting in a coffee shop and you’ll be there because you have made it from the fall”.
It’s 1:48 am and everybody’s sleeping. It’s so dark and quiet here and I’m all alone. What a great scene to stare at nothing, what a great time to feel it all at once.