Winter comes, but I don’t know what it looks like when it’s winter. I’ve been living all my life in the uncertainty of summer and the impulsiveness of the rain. There’s no cold winter here, falling snow, or even people wearing layers of thick clothes. I know one thing about winter, I will never see or experience winter here but I have felt it, that I can feel it.
I’ve been staying in the winter for so long and summer is waiting for me but eventually I’ll go back to you, summer.
And the rain has always been surprising me no wonder why I love the rain at most of the time.
If one day you’ll tell me if how I was, I will think about it for days or months; how am I? You’re the one who’s asking it. After all what happened, I want to vanish; I want to forget it and all the things about you. You will not hear any words from me, just like what you want me to be; silent and have my own solitude. You can’t just appear like that and see me as if that I will be fine talking to you again. To you it is, for me it will never be the same.
"I let go of you because I know you can make it alone, and I was right. You made it without me, you got through it without any of me. That really makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. I am happy that you finally let go of her and I am sad knowing that you can do it alone by yourself. I wished that you needed me but it never happened. You don’t need me and at those times that you’re sinking I am needing you to need me".
It’s the half of me who believes that you do not care at all and it’s the half of me who wants to believe that you’re just afraid of it.
I wish I could understand why you suddenly disappear, why you suddenly treat me like I didn’t exist at all. I realized that I am just playing games with you. It’s not that I hate you, it’s not that I do not care. I just want to know why, why am I bothering myself thinking about this while you’re somewhere doing things that I will never know.
I want to go back, I want to be somewhere I can’t meet you. I want to forget that once in my life I met someone who made me feel fine and alright. You should have stopped me in the middle of our conversation or in the first day of our conversation.
It was a dream, but nightmares are dreams too right? I want to wake up.
You’re not worth it, I’ve been honest all this time and you keep on doing things that makes me disappointed and mad. Letting myself to fall in to you was such a bad idea. Maybe you got afraid when I said to you that I kinda like you or maybe it is not important to you when I said that or maybe I am just nothing to you.
Still, I want to know, why are you acting like that towards me? I’d rather choose to believe that you don’t really care at all than to believe you’re just afraid of everything. Whatever, goodbye.